Saturday, June 22, 2019

Monday, June 3, 2019

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

What's real and What Isn't! + I'm not always sure anymore!



I don't do well with anesthesia. My first realization that I have a problem was when I had surgery for something to do with my heart. I'm not sure what the surgery was for, exactly but the process took a long time and when I awakened I was not my self. I had some behavior earlier that was slightly abnormal but not off-norm so much as to attract notice.

Later, when I had an attempted stint on a hard-to-reach artery, I was under an unusually long time and they punctured my heart. I awakened with a great deal of pain...it was supposed to be a simple day-in-the-hospital procedure. I knew there was sometjing wrong when I woke up and saw a lot of men in green suits and yelling at each other in frantic tones. I said to a nurse, its not supposed to be  like this is it! She answered simply, no it's not, they have made a hole in your heart. I ended up doing 9 days in intensive care. My behavior under the circumstances wasn't so bizarre as it was unruly and disruptive. When I was released, my daughter was supposed to drive me home.

They told me I couldn't be released until the doctor, an intern, removed a connection tube that measured the flow of blood, or if there was any, from  the hole in my heart. I knew it had stopped bleeding because I read the report. I told the head nurse, who verified that the hole was patched, that if the doctor didn't remove the connection tube and sign the release that I would remove it myself and just leave. I suggested that they call an attorney and ask what the penalty was for making a hole in a heart. The young doctor had the tube removed and the paperwork done when my daughter and son-I-law was ready to pick me up. It can be argued as to whether the length of time under the anesthesia or a natural reaction to 9 days in intensive care - half of which was unnecessary was responsible for my ugly behavior. It gets worse!!!

I don't remember what the next procedure was but I know it involved my heart because Dr. Duber, my heart specialist, assisted in the procedure. I was aware that it was midnight or late at night and they were putting something in me. A male nurse named Rudy was in charge and I made a caustic remark when he seemed to be awkward in hooking up the needles and tube. Rudy stopped what he was doing and asked for "that other vial." I know now that it was a hallucination kicking in but I thought at the time that he insisted on a particular one over the objection of another nurse. I  was convinced  that he was putting some kind of poison in me. For some reason, he failed in his attempt and I was trying to avoid him. Later, after Rudy told them ti take me away, one of the other nurses confided in me that Rudy was trying to poison me and warned me when he was around. This was all hallucinatory - in never happened. I was convinved that everyone at the hospital was trying to "get" me and I thought if I could avoid them that Maureen would have me transferred to Loma Linda where I would be safe.

The time wore on and my daughter Merry never showed up. In the meantime someone came into my room to take xrays and I pushed him away After a few futile attempts he finally gave up. The Next attendant came in with blood drawing equipment.This one didn't really care and by now I was losing my patience with the non-appearance of Maureen and when I told him to get the f*** out, he just folded up his tent and rode away.  Finally Maureen and my daughter arrived. I informed them of the plot and insisted that Maureen order them to transfer me to Loma Linda. I furtively told her about how Rudy was trying to kill me.Poor Maureen was caught in the middle. She, at once, could see how serious and alarmed I was but she knew it was hallucinatory. The more she balked, the more I was convinced that she was letting me down when I needed her to save my life. She was asked to leave my room so Dr. Duber, my cardiologist, could inform me of my condition. To this point, he had no idea that I had gone nutty. I was sure that I could depend on him.

I sat impatiently while Dr. Duber went through his spiel as if this was an ordinary case but was actually a case of attempted murder. When I told him that a nurse named Rudy was trying to kill me, he asked me how in a dubious tone and look on his face. I explained that he had tried to put some kind of poison in a blood transfusion but I resisted and he was unable to do it. Dr. Duber looked at me and told me that he had ordered the blood transfusion. My body fell limp against my chair in a feeling of resignation and I thought to myself  "Dr. Duber is in on it too."  I was alone but I am a fighter and not ready to give up. They took me away into a larger room where the technicians that I had foiled waited to assist Rudy. I told them that I had demanded to be released so I could go to Loma Linda and they were holding me against my will and it constituted kidnapping and I was making a citizen's arrest of all of them.

I continued to physically resist and someone, I presumed person in charge, ordered them to restrain  me. They attempted to tether my hands and feet and a fight ensued. I lost! I was doomed! The next thing I remember was being in my room and my daughter, Coy, was in the visitors chair watching me. She told me that they had given up on me and told Mama (my wife) that a family member who could control me would have to be called. Apparently I had asked for Coy and she had flown in from Kentucky. Colleen explained to me that I had been having hallucinations from the extended influence of the anesthesia like it had happened before. I was convinced and with the exception of my reaching the visitors area in an attempt to get to my car the rest of my treatment was completed without mishap.

Another imaginary event happened somewhere in here. I might have been earler but sequcnce doesn't really matter since these thing never actually happened. In this one, I ws visiting some kind of school and I was led into a secretive dark room with only light coming from small windows at the top of the walls. There was a platform about 4 feet high. There was a number of nude males standing on the platform with there hands tethered to ropes attatched to the ceiling. There were females in the room who had tied the men up and were inflicting pain to the private organs of the men . They were going
tie me up, I presumed fearfully for the same purposes. I had some time awaiting my turn and I learned from conversations that the women were students of the school I had been visiting. I told them that when I was loose. I would tell the authorities of the school about the secret roomd and what went on there. About the time it was my turn, Colleen, my daughter, entered the room and told them she was an investigator hired by the schools to investigate the rumors that had reached the school authorities. Upon hearing Colleen, the women ran from the room. Colleen then took me through the school yard where we met a man with a young boy whose father said his  son had ben a victim and was looking for the room. We pointed to the room and then Colleen took me to the hoispital where I was to be treated.

Somewhere in this time period ( and again I am unable to fix the point in time or the length of time involved) I wa r s waiting an assignment and I volunteered to assist some nurses who were in a training exercise. I volunteered to be a victim. In their exercise I was required to remove all my outer clothing. When they completed the exercise they refused to return my clothing or to release me. I remember thinking that I should have known better because I was trapped in another incident and was held captive for a long period of time until Coy managed to get me released. This is another hallucination for which I have no point in time or length of the incident. I think now that all these incidents happened in sequence and in the same time period. It's worrisome to me.

The next thing I remember, and again I am unable to know the time involved, but it seems to me that there was some kind of medical activity, I was with Mama in a weird room with some strangers. The room was part dirt floor and part concrete with large grooves extending the length of th building. Dreamed that Maureen and I were arguing with another couple over it who would get the next room...seemed as though I realized it was in a dream (weird). I finally convinced Maureen that if we let the other couple have the next room that we would get better room so we did that. The next thing I remember was out of the dream and we were partying with Jenny and Coy.  My memory skipped and Maureen and I were alone and in bed in our rooms in Atria and she asked me to get her some candy that was out of my reach and when I tried to get it for her I fell off the bed, hit my head on something that cut my ear and my hip bounced on something that caused tremendous pain. I definitely realized that I was awake and hurt very very bad. I had the feeling that my fall was fatal.

I was scared and called for Maureen. At first she didn't realize the seriousness the situation. It was about midnight. My injury was so severe that the slightest movement that I made hurt me all over my body. My fear increased and this was in real time...I realized that I was not dreaming. I called for Maureen again and she began to understand that I was seriously hurt. I had fallen before and was able to extricate myself but this was different! I told her that if she didn't get help that she was going to watch her husband die. I was serious. I was unable to move even a tiny bit. I told her to go get a neighbor but she didn't understand. Finally, I started screaming HELP - HELP as loudly as I could. I had never done that before. Maureen caught on and joined be in screaming for help. After a while, the door opened and someone from the fire department came in, managed to give me something for the pain and drove me to the emergency room at St E hospital where they did an emergency hip replacement procedure. My hip was shattered. It was daylight when we were driving to the hospital so it must have been at least four hours before I received any help after I had fallen!

I'd had several weird experiences which I later deduced were hallucinations. remember being used
experienced Nurses in a training exercise in which I ended up without any clothes. I awakened from the exercise and I was with a group people like me who were awaiting to to be taken to a rehab hospital into a gurney and was waiting to me taken to the hospital where I was to be rehabilitated from my surgery. I know now that this was hallucination because I felt no pain from my surgery.       

The next thing in my memory of flow of events was laying in a bed in the hospital awaiting rehab in the Cold Springs Rehab center. I know now, however, that I spent considerable time recuperating from the surgery because friends and family tell me that they visited me and talked to me when I was laying in the bed awaiting healing.


The next thing I remember is lying in a narrow bed in what looked and felt like a hospital bed. Soon. Coy walked in the door and asked me how I felt. I told her that my lower back hurt real bad. She told me that I had been unconscious off and on for about a week after my surgery to replace my shattered hip (broken in three places}that I had been moved to Cold Springs Rehabilitation center where I would remain until I was well - or well enough to take care of my self.

From this time on, everything is real and based on my memory. I'not sure of exactly how long my treatment lasted but it was about 5 weeks. I was primarily trained by a young man named Ken. I never heard anyone use his last name in referring. The staff of the therapy were on a first name basis and extremely efficient both in their instruction and in their use of time. Ken was a trainee nd at the end of my treatment graduated and transferred to University Louisville. Ken didn't want to make any mistakes and he never did. Neither did he let make any when I was being treated. I had the feeling that I was in school and would not be released until I could exhibit the ability to take care of myself. They released me when I was able to walk with a two-legged watchamacallit. My goal is to walk without it. I can - but not very well.

Meanwhile, Mama's health was quickly deteriorating. She never lost her long term memory but she was losing her short term memory. She was sleeping most of the time and was hospitalized. I asked the staff at Cold Springs if I could leave so I could take care of Mama at Atria. I had promised her that before either of us were gone that I would sleep with her in our big bed at Atria and hold her hand all night. Since both of us required some hospital care we transferred her to Cold Spring in a room next to mine where I could visit her at night and assist with her feeding. She deteriorated to the point where they gave her enough medicine merely to protect her from the pain. Coy, Dede, Glenna and Kerry were with her the last four days. Finally, they moved my bed intol her room and put them close enough for me to hold her hand for the last two days of he life. She died two days after Christmas.

  

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Trump's America - shame on you!

America is 242 years old. I have lived through 90 of those years. Most of them, I only know through reading and study. I started school in Home Gardens Grammar school in 1935 in South Gate, CA.. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Ross was a very good teacher. She taught us about how our nation was formed and about the several wars we fought to maintain the rules and laws via the Constitution established to protect our nation from foreign countries. We did this with via a mighty military. local laws were passed to protect our citizens. Rules and laws were also passed to make it possible for immigrants to leave their homes where life was hard with no laws to protect the citizens. Because of our liberal laws regarding immigration, our country grew very fast and an innate feeling of patriotism grew along with our citizens.

The increased population was not all good; it caused problems that for a time seemed insoluble and the new citizens were blamed and often mistreated. The "Dust Bowl" in the plains states with the concomitant unemployment created animosity toward the workers who migrated to the areas where they were told jobs were available. They usually found no jobs and it increased poverty. I personally lived through this poverty but as "local citizens" we blamed the newcomers and instead of trying to solve the problems, sometimes, to our shame, we participated in the mistreatment of the new residents. These hard times seemingly lasted forever. Actually, as we got further and further involved in the war, the mistreatment of our citizens was mitigated. In retrospect, the treatment of citizens by our government was sometimes shameful; sometimes extremely shameful.

I was a young man of 18 when my family climbed out of the depression. I graduated from high school and in 1948 got work as a lather. This happened toward the end of the unionization movement when I was forced join a union in order to work as a lather. I didn't mind the dues and rules because it gave me a higher wage than non-union workers. Most of the union organization and growth occurred before I was old enough to work. I learned of most of this oppressive anti-union attitude by the government and big business as part of my education and experience.  In 1937, I remember my father commenting to my mother as he was leaving for work, "there's going to be blood shed today!" There was. I was 8 years old; I didn't shed any blood but my father did and I saw his blood. It was ten years later when I was able to join the Lathers Local 40A in Southern California. By then there was no more violence...I just earned a good wage that was provided by the union organizers of the AFofL. I learned of most of this activity in school and through conversation at lunch time by the older lathers who HAD shed blood.

I missed WWII but my older brothers didn't and some of the older men I worked with didn't. Neither did I miss the Korean War. Most of the fighting I read about and heard about on the radio. Through out this period of time, our nation fought with honor and bravery and, along with other young men, and later young women, developed our patriotism. Elections were held peacefully...until my later years. The reins of power were passed from politician to politician and party to party with some rancor but mostly friendly quarreling. Throughout this period of time. I was, for the most part, proud of our country, of our political leaders and our government. Except for a few exceptions it was the best government in the world. But we weren't perfect. I saw our government after the attack on Pearl Harbor, we interned thousands of Japanese citizens in prison camps because we doubted their loyalty. Most of them were good loyal citizens and proved this when given a chance. I served in the army with three of these young men during the Korean War. They were hesitant to criticize the government but I detected some resentment when I discussed it with them.

There were other incidents of mistreatment of citizenry by our government but there were logical reasons for most of these cases and redress was often made. But the treatment of people by the Trump administration who have entered the country illegally with their children is unconscionable. Taking children, weeping and screaming from the arms of their parents, usually their mothers is below evil. Imagine the fear of the mothers and the children when separated not knowing when, if ever, they would be united again. It's not too surprising when one considers the background and prior behavior of our president! But continued support of him places his supporters pretty much at his level.


Saturday, December 16, 2017

Friday, January 20, 2017

The worst day for America since Pearl Harbor

This may be even worse than Pearl Harbor.  Americans didn't ask Japan to sneak into our territory and nearly destroy our fleet and kill 2800 Service men and women. Americans asked Trump to lead them, asked him to build a wall around our borders, asked him to take health insurance from nearly 30 million people. And he got this "mandate" with help from a foreign government.

It would be bad enough if they had voted a decent man to do this but they didn't ask a decent man. They asked a who has been formally charged with rape,  a child molester, liar, a man who hates women, Latinos, Muslims and has total disdain for poor people. This is a man who you might expect to lead a banana republic or an African nation. A man whose principal emotion is hatred. He has spent his time since the election, not studying and preparing for a job that carries the most critical and dangerous duties in the world but trading childish insults on twitter. A man who just might in a fit of anger blow the entire world to pieces. It's scary to learn that at lunch today carried the protocol and procedures for setting off a nuclear holocaust.

His motto is "make America great again," but his plans, stated plans, will keep America from becoming great again! He has no skills, very little education. Most of his success in business has been by hanging on to his fathers coattails. Just how successful he has been at that is not known because of his reticence for showing his tax returns.

In one of the invocations today, God was asked to help the new administration. But I fear that the fact that Trump was elected may mean that God has abandoned us. I pray that he hasn't.